Aries

The issues you’ve been having this week will suddenly cease to bother you when your phone explodes.

Taurus

That saucy SMS you were sending to ‘Dave’ was accidently sent to ‘Dad’. Best of luck with that.

Gemini

With Saturn in line with the moon you will experience issues with using SMS via your phone. Seriously. 

Cancer

Your life long dreams will be fulfilled when you recieve an SMS from William Shatner. You will refer him to ZapitSMS and win at life.

Leo

You will recieve an SMS while on the Bus. Unluckily for you it was while you were pretending to be on an ‘important business call.’

Virgo

With your sign in the house of Neptune, the stars indicate that your phone reception will drop out as you enter a tunnel.

Libra

Once again your credit will run out. Fortunately you use ZapitSMS to keep texting and rescue the world from nuclear war in the process.  

Scorpio

Your stars are perfectly aligned to form the shape of your birthmark. It also strangely resembles Elvis.

Sagittarius

The reason that cutie from the club didn’t call you is because you didn’t send that chain SMS on to 5 friends.

Capricorn

Now is the right time to clean your house, rekindle your relationship and start using ZapitSMS. Honest, that’s what the stars say.

Aquarius

The stress you’ve been feeling this week is actually caused by a comet passing your zodiac. Repeat this horoscope till you believe it and feel better.

Pisces

You realise that LOL doesn’t mean ‘Lots of Love.’ Your unpopularity at the funeral last week makes sense now.